i woke up at 7:30 this morning and am still sitting on my couch in my pajamas at 2:30pm because my roommates are here and i’ve been waiting for them to leave before doing anything
i think that I’m the most insecure person.
i hate that about myself. Why can’t i go a mile without doubting myself?
why can’t i live in oblivion?
For a Feeler, I sure know how to use Ti. Today, for the first time ever IN MY LIFE, someone accused me of being an emotionally unavailable robot because I made a decision to be just friends with him and explained my thought process. I must come off as really aloof and a jerk because of my use of this T function for dealing with guys. Don’t get me wrong! I’m INFP all the way, but I’ve not once regretted letting my head precede my heart. My regret usually stems from letting it be the other way.
This is my first time coming across an INFP Confessions blog. My Myers-Briggs test results used to tell me I was an INFJ, but lately being an INFP has been great. LOL I feel the description of an INFP is much more accurate for me than INFJ ever was.
I suffer from empty arms. Empty arms is an affliction of the mind, which is akin to loneliness, but any sufferer will tell you it’s a slightly different feeling. Most of the time, you’re happy in your solitary state. At others, feelings of confusion and sadness will wash over you when you least expect it. It will feel as though your arms have grown in size, the space between your right arm and your left is inexplicably larger and they feel so clumsy and cumbersome.
You can’t plan when you’ll feel it. Sometimes it will be when you’re lying awake in bed past midnight, walking out of a restaurant by yourself with the sultry smell of garlic filling the evening air, on a cold bright winter’s morning in January when snow covers the ground or when you’re at a concert alone in the crowd. The sensation is confusing, often comparable to a melting pot of the hopeless desire to hold someone, anyone in your arms and the sad acknowledgement that your shyness, cold exterior and crippling self doubt may stop you from ever finding someone.
If out with friends when these feelings arise, your farewell hugs will linger longer than usual. You know you shouldn’t grasp your friend so hard, but just being held, the sensation of being appreciated, even if for one moment, is all too much to contend with.
You wait for the day you when will walk out of restaurants being able to hold someone’s hand, the day when someone will fall asleep in your arms, the day when you’re drunk in the back of a taxi coming home and clinging onto someone’s arm, and knowing that you never want to let go.
But you know, as much as you want it, the thought of someone needing you, is far too much to contend with. Instead you will continue living your private life, screaming internally at the every day idiots you encounter, attempting to live up to your ridiculously strict moral code while hating yourself for every little foolish thing you do. Sometimes you feel as if you’re a social pariah. And so you will continue, until these pangs of confusion and sadness hit you again, and you think to yourself as you look down at the gaping gap between your arms- ‘look at my arms, they’re so empty’.
I have very high expectations for humanity, (probably because I’m an INFP) and they let me down a lot. But I never stop looking for good human beings, and I’ve found a few people I am truly impressed by. People with good hearts, and honest mouths. People who I care about more then they probably understand. I call them friends. I’m very proud of them.
That’s why every day I’m so terrified of losing them.
I really don’t know what I will do, or how I will function without them.
I’m stuck in between INFP and ENFP. It’s confusing. I don’t know who I am. I guess that’s the INFP seeping through. I don’t see life through rose colored glasses and not talking makes me stressed out and upset. INFP/ENFP clash, I guess.
Each week, at our staff meeting, we have little slips of paper that someone anonymous on staff writes good things about another person. Each week, I hate seeing what is written for me because I can’t help but think that they’re just lying. Trying to find something nice to say because they haven’t nothing else to say. I hate it, and yet I put up every slip of paper I get each week.
Sometimes, after I go through my “the world is such a beautiful place” phase, I just get so overwhelmed by all the bad things in the world that I break down crying.
- Franz Bonaparta (Monster)
INFP Confession #1415
Seems like INFJ’s are my kryptonite. Significant ex’s and best friends old/current. Saw this pattern a week ago when I started asking around for people’s MBTI scores.
I always want to spill out my emotions and feelings to everyone and anyone that shows some sort of interest in my thoughts and feelings but I always have to stop myself because I am afraid that they just would not understand or just not care. It is hard to trust for me.